Small talk? That shit’s lame.
Forget about social lubrication. Let’s penetrate the barriers of human communication directly, deeply, and unapologetically. Ignite the fires of the mind. Cultivate a garden of ideas. Shed our insecurities and tackle life’s conundrums head-on.
Enjoy this set of 140 random, fun, personal, controversial, existential questions meant to catalyze thought-provoking conversations and internal monologues.
WARNING: results may vary. Questions are known to generate outcomes ranging from enlightening and unifying to bewildering and hostile. Discussions may be meditations, works of art, freak shows, or war zones.
When indulging, consider 3 rules…
You must answer each question presented to you.
Your answer must be true to you.
Elaborate as much as possible.
We are, therefore let us think.
If you had to fuck a cow, would you rather it be dead or alive?
How much money would it take for you to spend 6 months in prison?
Spider-Man vs Batman—who wins?
Would you rather everyone be 30% dumber or 30% smarter than you?
Is torture ever permissible?
Who are you? You have 30 seconds to tell your life story. Go.
There’s a magic black button in front of you. When pressed, it will instantly kill 1,000 children at random. If you don’t press the button in the next 30 seconds, all of your family and friends will be given lung cancer. Will you press the button?
Who or what is God?
When was your last wet dream? Describe it.
Would you rather permanently lose your sight or permanently lose your hearing, smell, and taste?
How much money do you have in the bank right now?
If you had the entire world’s attention for 30 seconds, what would you say?
What’s the largest mammal you could knock out on your own?
If everyone and everything was paused in time for 8 hours except for you, what would you do?
What’s your best dance move? Describe, then demonstrate.
Would you rather know every detail of your future and never be able to change it, or not know your future but die in half the amount of time you have left to live?
How much of what we’re sexually attracted to is biologically driven and how much of it is societal influence?
A wizard casts a spell over 99% of living humans, allowing the wizard to control their minds purely so he can eliminate as much suffering in the world as possible (such as greed, violence, division, poverty, etc.). The 1% of humans who are not under the wizard’s control want to free everyone else from the spell. Whose side are you on?
What’s your greatest failure?
Where are we before we’re born?
How have your goals or priorities changed over the last decade?
What’s your shower routine like? Think about what soap you use, where you scrub, how you scrub, how often you scrub (if you scrub at all), water temperature, the order you clean different areas of your body, etc.
The world now runs on video game logic. What will you do?
At what point is a parent no longer responsible for their child?
What’s something commonly labeled to be a “conspiracy theory” that you think is actually true? If you think all conspiracy theories are false, what’s your best defense for a conspiracy theory of your choice?
Excluding when you were in diapers, have you ever shit your pants? If not, what’s the worst place/time you’ve vomited?
How do you know if something is or isn’t art?
Would you rather have near-limitless perception and awareness of the past or be able to perfectly predict up to 7 days into the future?
Darth Vader vs Thanos—who wins?
What’s one example of a moment or circumstance in your past that could have taken your life in a drastically alternate direction if it played out differently?
Having sex with animals is wrong, but caging, enslaving, killing, or eating them is not. Agree or disagree?
What are your most prized material possessions?
Suppose god gets bored and selects 100 random people to be part of a talent show where only the winner will survive. You’re a contestant. What talent will you use?
Do we have free will?
What do you think your life will be like 10 years from today?
Would you rather be twice your size or half your size?
What would be the worst message to receive from space?
Given the choice right now, how many years would you choose to live? Assume you’re given the guarantee of remaining in good physical health and won’t be able to die before the date you choose.
What are 5 things you’re grateful for right now?
Would you rather change genders every time you sneeze or be unable to tell the difference between babies and food?
In a futuristic world where robotic parts can replace all biological body parts, how many or which body parts would need to be replaced until you consider someone to no longer be the same person?
Bugs Bunny vs SpongeBob—who wins?
If you were given 30 seconds to talk with your 10-years-from-now future self, what would you ask?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done in bed?
If there was a way to painlessly and permanently alter the thoughts of a person you know, who and what would you change?
Where do we go after we die?
For 10 seconds, stop what you’re doing and just listen. What do you hear?
Would you rather have everyone think you’re a rapist (even though you’re not), or be raped once yourself?
What’s the most important job on Earth? You can only pick one.
Which would be easier—fighting off 100 duck-sized horses or 1 horse-sized duck?
When did you last do something for the first time? What was it?
If exercise somehow had zero effect on your physical appearance, would you still exercise? If you don’t exercise, how many people do you think would stop?
What might people say about you at your funeral?
You have a magic wand that can eliminate littering or mosquitos. Which do you choose?
In what order would the people around you right now die in the event of an apocalypse?
How do you know if something is “real” or not? Inversely, what does it mean if something “doesn’t exist”?
Is censorship ever a good or necessary thing?
If only you could see just one measurement or statistic over everyone’s heads, what would you want it to indicate?
Do you think robots will ever learn to be creative, angry, or to love?
What’s your greatest success?
Would you rather be forced to yell “fuck you” every 10 minutes or unpredictably poop in your pants twice a month?
If you showed up in front of god, do you think he could write an equation (or set of equations) on his almighty chalkboard that explains everything in the universe? If so, do you think we could one day discover that information on our own?
Are we alone in the universe?
Would you rather lose all of your fingers or both of your legs?
What do you love most about yourself?
Should prostitution be legal?
What are 3 things you need to work on insofar as being a better person?
Fact: fish experience pain. How do you feel about catch-and-release fishing?
Given the chance to have dinner with any one person from the past, who would you choose?
Would you rather double the amount of emotional pain and pleasure you feel on a daily basis, or cut both in half?
How did life begin?
What’s a song you can sing at least 4 lines of without any help? Do it.
If you became president tomorrow, what would be your number one priority?
Would you rather have to spend 8 waking hours a day for the rest of your life in solitary confinement with nothing in the room but a lightbulb and you, or continue living a regular life but have your remaining lifespan cut in half?
What’s the most difficult decision you’ve had to make?
Is every human being equal?
What would be your 3 wishes for the genie? Remember: you can’t make anyone fall in love with you, you can’t bring back the dead, and you can’t wish for more wishes.
Why do we dream?
You have 6 months to convince 500 people you’re the son of God. What’s your plan?
What do you think people will have nostalgia for 30 years from now?
Godzilla vs the Power Rangers—who wins?
Would you jump in front of a speeding train to save someone’s life?
Are we living in a simulation?
If you woke up tomorrow and found yourself back in time when you were 18, but still had the same mind you have now (memories, knowledge, etc.), what would you do differently?
Would you support the use of realistic child sex dolls by pedophiles?
Why are you here?
Have aliens been to Earth?
Given the choice of any living person in the world, who would you invite to dinner?
What’s the biggest lesson life has taught you so far?
Is there any circumstance(s) that would make it “okay” for a 14 year old girl to have sex with a 25 year old man? If not, what age would the man have to be to make it “okay”?
Would you stomp a random puppy to death in order to cure a terminally ill child?
What’s one of your happiest memories?
Would you rather lose your sex organs or gain 200 pounds for the rest of your life?
What’s a current obstacle/challenge/dilemma you’re currently facing that would most change your life for the better if it were overcome?
If you could erase any one thing from existence without anyone but you remembering it, what would it be?
Would you rather lose all of your favorite memories or never be able to make new favorite memories?
If you were given $1,000,000 tax-free right now, how would you use it?
What’s the strangest place/time/scenario in which you’ve masturbated?
If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you did?
What’s the meaning of life?
Would a married man having sex with a lifelike sexbot without his wife’s permission be considered cheating?
How many people have you cried in front of as an adult? Who are they? Why were you crying? If it’s a lot of people, think of the most recent few.
Superman vs Goku—who wins?
What percentage of living humans do you suspect are better people than you?
Would you rather be burned alive or drowned alive?
What is the most significant thing you’ve changed your mind about?
Would you rather be able to speak all animal languages or all human languages?
How was the universe created? What’s outside of it?
If you were tasked with selecting 5 living human beings to represent humanity’s worth, who would you choose?
Would you rather live the rest of your life 200 years in the past or 200 years in the future?
What’s something you wish was socially acceptable?
If you had 10 seconds to say anything to your past self, what would you say? What if you could only say a total of 10 words?
What’s inside a black hole?
Would you rather enter an infinitely guaranteed utopian virtual reality right now and never be able to exit back into the real world, or live out the rest of your life in the real world and never be able to enter the utopian virtual reality?
What’s something you admire about someone near you right now?
If you had one month left to live, starting right now, what would you do?
Serial Killer A has schizophrenia, was abused as a child, and has lived in poverty their whole life. Serial Killer B has always had good health, plenty of money in the bank, and had a great childhood. Both murdered 10 people each, including a baby. Do they deserve the same prison sentencing?
What’s your best joke? It’s okay, it can be stupid or corny.
What concept do you think could have the most significant positive impact on humanity?
If you died tomorrow, what would life be like for the people you leave behind? Consider the immediate aftermath of your death up until the point you’re completely forgotten by the last person who remembers you.
What would your perfect day be like?
What is love?
If you had to change your name, what name would you choose?
How do you wipe your butt? For instance, do you wad the toilet paper up into a ball or fold? Do you stand up, crouch, or something else? How many wipes on average? Be as detailed as possible.
What are 3 words to summarize mankind?
Mario vs Mickey Mouse—who wins?
There are 6 pills that grant special abilities for a limited amount of time. Which do you want a bottle of? Pill 1: teleportation, telekinesis; Pill 2: time travel, time freezing, precognition; Pill 3: mind control, telepathy, super intellect; Pill 4: immortality, flight, energy manipulation; Pill 5: reassembling matter, shapeshifting, invisibility; Pill 6: invulnerability, super strength.
What’s the earliest memory you can think of?
Would you rather a video of you murdering your dog gets leaked on the internet or a video of you having sex with your dog gets leaked on the internet?
Is your affect on humanity a net positive or net negative?
Why is there something rather than nothing?
Would you rather have $1,000,000,000 or live as long as you want?
How many 3rd graders could you fight off at once? Yes, they are trying to kill you.
If you’re a man: would you rather have sex with your wife who is inhabiting your mother’s body, or your mother who is inhabiting your wife’s body? If you’re a woman: would you rather have sex with your husband who is inhabiting your father’s body, or your father who is inhabiting your husband’s body?
What’s your saddest memory?
If we were put on trial by an advanced alien race, how would you defend humanity and argue for its continued existence?
Was math invented or discovered?
Earth will explode in the next 10 seconds if you don’t press the magic red button in front of you. When you press the button, it will instantly kill someone you’ve seen in person and spoken to more than once. You have to choose this person. Who do you kill?
Would you rather sleep on the floor for the rest of your life or never be able to ride in a car?
If you could ask the universe one question and get the truth, what would it be?